just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
