she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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