What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
