was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
