She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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