It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We just shotgunned beers for America
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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