I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you would pick up someone in the library
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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