Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she peed on how many people?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.