I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.