that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
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Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
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I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.