I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911