Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.

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  (631): i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to. http://tfl.nu/8bc1
  Replies (6) Good night (4393) Bad night (600)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life

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  (217): if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life http://tfl.nu/29yn
  Replies (11) Good night (4431) Bad night (1034)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.

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  (702): His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding. http://tfl.nu/4b44
  Replies (16) Good night (8431) Bad night (1072)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...

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  (586): he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement... http://tfl.nu/jgil
  Replies (13) Good night (935) Bad night (5145)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint

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  (201): The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint http://tfl.nu/xmhe
  Replies (15) Good night (4637) Bad night (992)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”

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  (413): afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.” http://tfl.nu/qxku
  Replies (9) Good night (1203) Bad night (1541)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.

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  (304): There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house. http://tfl.nu/pzrc
  Replies (8) Good night (1619) Bad night (1503)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.

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  (734): The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me. http://tfl.nu/j8wb
  Replies (6) Good night (879) Bad night (1649)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.

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  (770): Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation. http://tfl.nu/ma0q
  Replies (10) Good night (1431) Bad night (653)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  you found the shrooms didnt you

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  (484): how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time (215): you found the shrooms didnt you http://tfl.nu/rmts
  Replies (7) Good night (4361) Bad night (771)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"

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  (845): Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him" http://tfl.nu/pb7e
  Replies (9) Good night (1389) Bad night (695)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING

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  (209): Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING http://tfl.nu/zpal
  Replies (5) Good night (1121) Bad night (531)
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I stand by it.

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  (507): You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her" (815): I stand by it. http://tfl.nu/atfq
  Replies (5) Good night (1741) Bad night (473)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Oh god, what has my life become?

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  (301): I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him. (301): Oh god, what has my life become? http://tfl.nu/d6o7
  Replies (6) Good night (832) Bad night (413)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.

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  (518): If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd. http://tfl.nu/04nl
  Replies (8) Good night (907) Bad night (457)

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