Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
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You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
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I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam