In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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