I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
