Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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