Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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