Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
