He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
