Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i think my cat just said my name.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
