told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
