Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
