what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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