Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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