I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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