So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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