I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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