please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
