Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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