One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
