I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize