Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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