There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
