i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
