I'm really into asian looking animals
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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