Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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