i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
