sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
