you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
What a dumb baby whore.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
