Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
