My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
