Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I didn't notice because vodka
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
