There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
