Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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