are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
