Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
