I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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