He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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