i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize