i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Help. Why am I so naked?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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