Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
