is your mom at the bar?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
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Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
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Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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