I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
