I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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