i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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