All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
