I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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