Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
