I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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