what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Did I show you my penis last night?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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