i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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