I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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