My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
