So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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