you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
