I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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