A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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