My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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