I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
