is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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