Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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