if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I want to fling myself into the sun
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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