Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
