On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
