I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
