he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
