first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
