We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
