You don't have asthma, your pregnant
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
