it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
