ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
