I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So vagazzling was a success
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
