i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
