omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
