Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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